Oh, and happy super bowl day too. If I said I watched the game it would be a falsity as well as a surprise considering the fashion in which this sentence is progressing.
I'm weird.
I want to share with you all a healthy little dose of perspective I got over the weekend. I was carpooling with this family, a really nice dad and his son. And the dad was just telling me about how it's nice that his kid is involved in all these activities, because as an adult life can get kind of boring and it's fun to take interest in the kids' activities. And he said that the sky is just beautiful today.
And somehow that just changed it for me.
Put simply, I was living in a sort of doldrums. You know, when your internal monologue is consistently like this:
Gah my life is a mess. What am I even doing?
No. It's okay. Don't think like that.
Well, what do I think like? I can't avoid these problems forever.
I have no purpose.
I am stupid.
Everything is annoying.
I have no friends.
I'm fat.
I'm skinny.
I'm hopeless.
Gah no it's okay, life is tough.
This time in my life is just a learning experience.
Yeah, a learning experience.
I'm toughening up because the future is harder.
Photo by Scott Kadlek
http://www.beautifulworldphotos.com/img/s10/v17/p1010947731-3.jpg
If you find yourself thinking like that, you are not by any stretch of the imagination alone. And the thing is, although your thinking may be self-justifying, it's not entirely true.
You see, life isn't all pain. It's not all about fall and hurting yourself so you'll be some calloused, tough fighter for the future. Sure, that's a part of it. But that's not the point.
Don't accept the suffering you face. You as an individual on the face of this beautiful earth have the power to control your own happiness, whether you find that easy to believe or not. You have to tell yourself, to will your mind to believe that there is something greater and brighter waiting for you. Look ahead, because it's easy to try to protect yourself by admitting that life is all pain.
It's not. It's not all pain.
And it probably doesn't make sense to you why carpooling with two people helped me to realize that, and at this point it isn't making much sense to me either. But I think hearing the dad say that, that he finds happiness in his children, helped me to realize that, well, lasting sources of happiness do exist. Happiness itself actually exists. Because at certain points in your life, even though it seems obvious, you may find yourself denying even that.
I'm sorry this post sounds oddly depressed and kind of hypocritical and preachy.
Promise I'll be more fun in the next post. :)
Enjoy loveliness and remember to muse! <3
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